My friends, they love my intelligence
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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