I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
