I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You dont lie about slip and slides
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
