Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
