Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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