youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
