The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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