Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
