The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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