If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
