I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
