I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
How's work?
Spinning.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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