youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
