I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Jerry, you need to find god
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
