Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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