meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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