he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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