Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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