I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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