I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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