you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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