Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
