Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
