When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
