under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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