Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We were destined to go to rehab together
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
