So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
