I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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