He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
