3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
