3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
