Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
