We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
