just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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