is wine microwaveable?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
