Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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