farters have to be the big spoon...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
