Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
