i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you didnt know i had herpes?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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