Having a random hookup so left but love u
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
