she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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