I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
