If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
