if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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