I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You've changed since you got that strap on
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
