You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
