It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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