Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
