I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
