Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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