Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
