I just made out with a guy for $7.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
