turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
