My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
