We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
