It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
