if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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